79: ‘What If’ by Kate Winslet

Declaring that you’re going to change, and actually changing are very different beasts. Sara is getting stronger, but some days are better than others. Today is a bad day,

She is rummaging trough some old things when she comes across a photo of her and Will, her best friend from her school days.

The friendship ended, when they became too different. It happened at a time in her life where she realised she had to become more independent. Will responded to this by becoming controlling. He had always been the responsible adult of the two, but never like this. So she ended the friendship. It seemed like a good idea to end it at the time. But now she thinks back and wonders if they could have stayed friends. Maybe she could have told him to back off in a kinder way so that he would have understood. Maybe he would still be her most close and loyal friend, her responsible anchor.

Well, they’ll never know now, will they?

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78: ‘Ignorance’ by Paramore

Once upon a time, two children, a boy and a girl, was best friends. They stuck together. Wrote their names in blood.

But then the girl changed. Her personal life turned to shit pretty much overnight – and she reacted to that by becoming an outcast, who didn’t care what anyone thought or said about her.

She, Sara, saw this as a good change. Her friend, Will, didn’t see it like that. He saw her change as her becoming a bad person. He started telling her about every bad thing, she did and how sad it made him feel. This tactic usually worked. They could always be honest with each other and cared how their actions affected the other.

But not this time. She snapped and shouted at him that he just couldn’t handle that they were different people.

And so he instead started withdrawing from her, essentially treating her like a stranger. This only made her angrier. But fine. If he wanted to be strangers, it was fine by her.

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Also, I’m up to date, so I’m back to just my weekly chapter arriving on Mondays.

77: ‘A Little Bit Stronger’ by Sara Evans

Declaring that you’re going to change, and actually changing are very different beasts. So Sara soon learned.

She had kicked out her lover and sent him home to his wife. Decided to find confidence within herself. In reality, the love she felt for him has left her nearly unable to leave her bed and imitate being okay. Songs remind her of him and bring her to tears.

But she is getting stronger, little by little. As time passes she gets better at simply turning off the radio when the songs come on.

She doesn’t cry anymore. Her heart is still badly wounded and it will never fully heal, but she is stronger without him and getting stronger every day.

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76: ‘Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time’ by Panic! At The Disco

Fergie is used to being hit on when she goes to a bar – but not quite like this.
Will comes up to her, already quite drunk, and decides that his best move it to tell her that he woke up only a few hours earlier in his underwear, seemingly having drunk every bit of liquor in wherever he woke up, not having the faintest idea how he got there, declaring that it was the best feeling ever – and then introduces himself.

If nothing else, it gets her attention and she listens to him as he goes on to tell her, how he actually went out carrying a cane and wearing a party hat – both things he has no idea where are now. He felt like the king of the world and nothing could go wrong. He went out with his fellow students – he’s a pre-med, you see. They went out, had some very well designed drugs a large party and from there – well it’s a bit of a blur.

He tells her, how he usually memories usually came back in flashes – and he’s actually starting to remember one bit from last night. Roaming the city in a shopping cart – wherever they got that from – while smoking cigarettes attempting to set off a fire alarm – which he also don’t know where the hell they got from.

Fergie laughs at this story and comments that “”If you go on you might pass out in a drain pipe.”

He arches an eyebrow at her and answers: “don’t threaten me with a good time.”

And then once again, it all goes black.

He wakes up… somewhere. Once again without any clothes on. But not alone this time. Fergie is with him, smiling. He looks around for clothes, a bed sheet, anything to cover him up – and also any indication that the smile could mean that anything happened between them.

It all feels unreal, his eyes are playing tricks on him – and is he soaking wet?

Fergie has a better idea of the night’s events. She tells him, that they somehow ended up in his neighbour’s pool (good, then he’s not too far away from home this time), they had sped from bar to bar and he had proposed to her… repeatedly (judging by her laughter at this, it’s unlikely anything happened between them at all).

At some point, she had tried telling him to cut back on the alcohol… to which he replied: “I’m not as think as you drunk I am”, which amused her quite a bit.

So yeah, he probably had enough.

But hey, here he is here with a woman… who is laughing her ass off, but still.

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75: ‘My Humps’ by The Black Eyed Peas

An attractive woman is sitting at a bar. She came here alone, but she certainly isn’t alone for long. She soon is joined by a man, who starts buying her drinks.

Her name is Fergie. His is Will.

She’s quite used to this scene. She flirts right back. This is quite a regular experience for her. She will probably get his number and go on dates with him, resulting in expensive gifts for her. This she is also used to.

She has accepted this as a fact of life. She’s tried rejecting the gifts but always gets more. So now she just goes with it.

But always with boundaries firmly in place. If he, or any other guy for that matter, becomes too handsy or controlling, she’ll cause drama.

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74: ‘God is a DJ’ by P!nk

A woman is crawling out of bed. She has just kicked out her lover, telling him to go home to his wife. She looks at herself in the mirror and reflects on who she has become. So ready to believe empty promises and give up everything.

She has to turn a new leaf. Or rather an old leave. She decides to become, who she once was; an outcast, who treated life as a party, spoke her mind, was at ease with her lot in life and didn’t care what people thought.

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